It was confusing and full of hummus
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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