Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
