The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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