I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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