I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
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