If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
