You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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