he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
