I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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