ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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