you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
