She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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