so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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