i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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