I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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