dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
