you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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