It's Friday. Sex?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
