would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
