so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
BRING THE BAGELS
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
