Having a random hookup so left but love u
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
