He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
