Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Fuck appropriateness.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
