i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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