Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
