you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
