So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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