I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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