My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Everclear isn't food dammit
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I think my moral compass just broke
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
