I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
