I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
