im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
