dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm having to shit out rocks
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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