I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
