I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
