brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize