so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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