btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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