I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
