porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
