Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
