we have pet lesbian snakes
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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