even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
