You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize