it was like his penis was on wheels.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Randomize
