You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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