i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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