thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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