Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
