You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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