New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
