I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
