Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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