If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
