I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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