now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
