I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
