Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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