Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
