Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
