Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
