I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
