I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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