i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
