You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They took my balls.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
