just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
