btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
