How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
