i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
