you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
