Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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