I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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