Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
