Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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